Dear Valued Alumnus of the Robert F. Comstock School of Business,
Reunion Weekend 2022 is right around the corner! Have you booked tickets yet?
With an action-packed schedule — including keynote speeches from an NFL superstar and a world-famous venture capitalist, appearances by Hollywood A-listers, not to mention totally awesome social events featuring networking, networking, networking, and more networking — we sure hope so!
Tickets remain available and are affordably priced at $15,000 per person (excluding travel and lodging expenses). But act fast! This year’s Reunion Weekend promises to be the most epic in the history of the Comstock School. You don’t want to miss it!
Read on for the full schedule and a brief description of this weekend’s fabulous events.
We can’t wait to see you in Phoenix!!!
Kindest and sincerest regards,
Carly Comstock, MBA ’16
SCHEDULE OF EVENTS
FRIDAY
4:00PM to 6:00PM: Arrival, check-ins, cocktails and heavy hors d'oeuvres at the Arizona Biltmore Resort.
Rest easy! We’ve rented out the entire complex, and fully armed Blackwater strike teams will be providing a secure perimeter for the entirety of Reunion Weekend. There’s no need to worry about plebes, privacy, or security — all you have to do is kick back and relax!
6:00PM to 9:00PM: Our SIXTH annual OLIGARCH-A-PALOOZA!
At the Comstock School, our international community is one of our strongest assets, and a key differentiator versus other programs. And few alumni are as distinguished, respected, or sought after as our illustrious Oligarchs. To ensure all Reunion 2022 attendees have ample opportunities for networking during this year’s OLIGARCH-A-PALOOZA, we’re introducing our first ever Oligarch BUNCO BASH!
Here’s how it works: Each Oligarch will be assigned to a designated dining table, and attendees will take turns rotating through each table over the course of the evening.
To supercharge the event, and make it extra fun, we retained Ogilvy & Mather to assist. They created a “heat map” based upon a detailed analysis (e.g., Venn diagram) of each Oligarch’s industrial and geopolitical connectedness. O&M then identified five key global “hot spots,” including Central America, Middle East & North Africa, Eastern Europe, Southeast Asia, and Northeast Asia, and three essential industries: metals and mining, oil and gas, and for-profit education.
Over a nine-course dinner, alumni “colonists” will “visit” each hot spot, make new connections, and hopefully strike that next billion-dollar deal. Make sure to have those business cards and shell company account numbers handy!
9:00PM to 10:00PM: Keynote Speaker: DeShaun Watson: Faith, Leadership, and Overcoming Adversity.
We couldn’t be more thrilled to have new Cleveland Browns quarterback DeShaun Watson with us to deliver our Friday night keynote! Fresh off his grand jury exoneration, Mr. Watson will discuss how faith guides every choice he makes, what it means to be a leader in today’s fraught cultural and political climate, and how he stared down and defeated the “woke” mob. The Comstock School will proudly award Mr. Watson an honorary doctorate degree in organizational behavior upon the completion of his speech. Congratulations to the future Dr. Watson!
10:00PM: Grab an old friend or escort (not included, prices vary) and take in the gorgeous Phoenix skyline with rooftop cocktails!
SATURDAY
9:00AM to 6:00PM: Alumni ongoing education series: Succession, Season 3.
Education underpins everything we do at the Comstock School. Our faculty research is world renowned, and we take particular pride in the academic rigor of our programs. Delivering cutting-edge business insights and novel research findings to our alumni via ongoing education programs further highlights how a degree from the Comstock School continues to pay dividends over the entire course of a career.
To that end, during Reunion 2022 alumni will have the honor of binge-watching Season 3 of the award-winning HBO Max series Succession. Featuring hostile takeovers, market manipulation, board coups, cover-ups, and financial engineering, Succession is a master class in modern business management and appointment viewing for serious Comstock School alumni. Jeremy Strong, who plays the talented and beloved Kendall Roy, is tentatively scheduled to Zoom in from 12:00PM to 12:10PM.
Bagged lunches will be provided.
7:30PM to 9:00PM: All-Class Alumni Networking Event at Raytheon Stadium.
Join us at the beautiful, new, tax-payer-funded Raytheon stadium for the absolute best networking event of the year! Featuring an open wine bar (price not included) and gourmet chef stations manned by the best food truck vendors in Phoenix, this year’s All-Class Alumni Gala promises to be the best yet.
Don’t miss out on your chance to socialize with former classmates who’ve become integral leaders in the business community. Like that guy you graduated with who works at a VC fund, because his dad worked at a VC fund, because his dad’s dad worked at like the first VC fund, but who totally achieved everything on merit.
Or that really talented woman who aced all the classes and got a super good job at McKinsey but then burned out and is now mired in a corporate bureaucracy because in this great country having children is an immense emotional and financial burden but that’s just how God intended it.
Or that guy you didn’t like — there was just something off about him — who got that fancy banking job over that guy you really liked, because of reverse racism and The Great Replacement.
And don’t forget that one guy who seemed to have like, at least Senior Director potential, but now writes a free email blog.
9:00PM to 10:00 PM: Keynote Speaker: Peter Thiel: Democracy vs. Freedom: Why Bioshock was way ahead of its time and how I’m creating a real-life Rapture.
It’s an absolute privilege and honor for us to welcome legendary VC investor and serial entrepreneur Peter Thiel as our Saturday evening keynote speaker. A long-time friend of the Comstock School, Mr. Thiel’s speech will discuss the intrinsic perils of representative democracy, the inherent danger of a free press, why women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and how his newest venture aims to separate “the wheat from the chaff” and “save humanity from itself.” You definitely don’t want to miss this one!
SUNDAY
10:00AM to 11:00AM: Virtual brunch with Comstock School Dean Chip Comstock.
Our final event of the weekend! Broadcasting live from an undisclosed location, where he’s safely avoiding extradition from the DOJ’s malicious, unjustified, totally baseless witch hunt, Dean Chip Comstock will discuss his current vision for the Comstock School. Key highlights will include:
The establishment and opening of Comstock School satellite campuses in the U.A.E. and the Philippines
New innovations in facial-recognition technology and the recent $300 million grant awarded by the Chinese Communist Party
Naming rights for the new Artificial Intelligence wing at the Comstock School’s main campus (finalists include Northrop Grumman, Siemens, and Tractor Supply)
Improving racial equity and increasing cultural diversity via concentrated recruiting in Western Europe and Australia
Dean Comstock will also be happy to answer any questions after his presentation ends, provided his VPN remains effective and his location undetectable. Having not seen Daddy in months, I personally can’t wait for this one!
Housekeeping
Childcare options: If you’re too poor to leave your kids at home with an army of au pairs and nannies during Reunion Weekend, crating services — like the ones they used for those illegal migrant kids at the Mexican border — are available daily from 7:00AM to 10:00PM. Prices and fees vary depending on how many children you plan to check in as well as their age, size, and general temperament.
Covid-19 policies: In accordance with public health guidance from the CDC, FDA, and other federal, state, and local authorities, the Comstock School has adopted a Schumpeterian approach to the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. Only through creative destruction can the economy become stronger. Likewise, only through natural selection can humanity become stronger.
See you in Phoenix!
XOXO
Carly