Field Research

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Field Research Year in Review

agowani.substack.com

Field Research Year in Review

Who thought it was a good idea to give me a platform?

Amran Gowani
Dec 2, 2022
14
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Share this post

Field Research Year in Review

agowani.substack.com
I might’ve looked this tasty in 2012.

Hey Friends,

Below I’ve compiled links to the ten stories which best encapsulate the tone, tenor, and moral turpitude of this weekly newsletter/blog/online publication/utter nonsense.

Some are fan favorites. Some are hidden gems.

Happy reading!

Amran

P.S.: If ever there was a post to share (*cough* cross-post *cough*) with friendlies and enemies alike, this is the one.

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Also, the internet economy is built on likes, so don’t forget to mash that ❤️ button on stories you enjoy. Thanks!


PRESS RELEASE: Omicron variant fastest healthcare product launch since Black Death

Written as a corporate press release for Deep State Holdings LLC, this piece is as dark as they come. Take a deep breath before clicking

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Field Research
PRESS RELEASE: Omicron variant fastest healthcare product launch since Black Death
SIOUX FALLS, VALLETTA, Malta & BEIJING, China — (BUSINESS WIRE) — Deep State Holdings LLC (NYSE:DEEP; HKEX:08666), a multinational conglomerate engaged in the development, manufacturing, and distribution of high-innovation products in fast-growing, globalized markets, is proud to announce that its newly approved Omicro…
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a year ago · 6 likes · Amran Gowani

A message from Sunshine Academy Preschool regarding updated Covid-19 protocols

When America threw an entire generation of unvaccinated preschoolers to the pandemic wolves — including my not-yet-three-year-old son — what else could I do but turn despair into gallows humor?

Field Research
A message from Sunshine Academy Preschool regarding updated Covid-19 protocols
Dear Sunshine Academy Parents, We hope this message finds you healthy and well! We’re writing to provide updates regarding our Covid-19 health and safety protocols. In light of new guidance from the CDC, as well as recent changes to state and municipal health ordinances, effective Monday, March 7, we are officially canceling the Covid-19 pandemic. As such…
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a year ago · 6 likes · Amran Gowani

Had I sired children in more civilized times, I would’ve enjoyed a violent, premature death

Hard to describe, but arguably the best piece I’ve ever written.

Field Research
Had I sired children in more civilized times, I would’ve enjoyed a violent, premature death
I wake in a child’s bed at 4:23 a.m. The room is dark and cramped. The covers are warm. I am safe. This unbearable horror will continue for many years to come. Had I slept near my son, in Babylon circa 540 B.C., I would’ve been awoken by the rumble of Cyrus the Great’s invading army. Greeted by the reprieve of imminent decapitation, my severed head would…
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a year ago · 9 likes · 6 comments · Amran Gowani

Are you ready for MBA Reunion Weekend?!

This one’s an absolute banger, eviscerating MBA programs and our corrupt corporate kleptocracy in one fell swoop.

Field Research
Are you ready for MBA Reunion Weekend?!
Dear Valued Alumnus of the Robert F. Comstock School of Business, Reunion Weekend 2022 is right around the corner! Have you booked tickets yet? With an action-packed schedule — including keynote speeches from an N…
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10 months ago · 11 likes · Amran Gowani

A fatalist’s guide to Father’s Day

The piece that put me on the Substack radar. It still slaps.

Field Research
A fatalist's guide to Father's Day
Your perfectly planned, pre-written Instagram story: My absolutely AMAZING kids let me sleep in until 9AM!!! #FATHERSDAY #DADLIFE #FATHERS #DADS #BLESSED The shameful, nightmarish reality you’ll encounter: Your dipshit three-year-old son, who won’t eat, sleep, use the potty, or do any goddamned thing you ask, wakes up at 4:46 a.m., wailing in an ancient …
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9 months ago · 22 likes · 14 comments · Amran Gowani

The tragic tale of the four little condo owners

Living in a condo will drive you insane, as evidenced by this unhinged cautionary tale written as a diseased children’s book.

Field Research
The tragic tale of the four little condo owners
PROLOGUE Once upon a time there was a great, big, fancy vintage house. Constructed during the Gilded Age, it was made of brick and limestone and had four humongous floors. This great, big, fancy vintage house was owned by the same family for over three…
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9 months ago · 14 likes · 7 comments · Amran Gowani

Announcing the winners of our sixth annual children’s book cleanse!

Probably the purest piece of satire I’ve written this year, this one’s a smorgasbord of digs and snipes skewering the worst impulses of this country’s bountiful right-wing nutjobs.

Also, “androgenous, anthropomorphic abominations” lives in my head rent free.

Field Research
Announcing the winners of our sixth annual children’s book cleanse!
Note: This is satire. Hopefully it’ll make you laugh. Crying also works…
Read more
7 months ago · 15 likes · 20 comments · Amran Gowani

My kids and I had the talk -- about democracy

The most popular entry in “The talks,” what begins as a seemingly boring civics lesson rapidly devolves into a warning about absolute power corrupting absolutely.

The slippery slope between democratic disagreements and sending your enemies to a forced labor camp has rarely been thrust into starker relief.

Field Research
My kids and I had the talk -- about democracy
EXT. STREET — AFTERNOON Dedicated bike lane along busy thoroughfare replete with heavy machinery, ripped up streets, and empty shopfronts. A father — bronzed, robust, early forties — ferries his two children to the dentist in a front-loading cargo bike. The late summer sun shines bright and a cool breeze — foretelling fall — chil…
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6 months ago · 18 likes · 12 comments · Amran Gowani

DeSantis’ War Journal: After the storm

A strong contender for my favorite piece of the year. I conducted an unhealthy amount of research on God’s favorite governor and considered his vivisection my moral and civic duty.

Inspired by Marvel’s Punisher and Watchmen’s Rorschach, the War Journals are my absolute favorite pieces to write. Expect a new entry soon.

Field Research
DeSantis’ War Journal: After the storm
Dear Journal, I lie. A lot. I boast. Inflate my abilities. Exaggerate my accomplishments. Fashion myself as the hero this chaotic world needs. My therapist says people lie to appeal to others…
Read more
6 months ago · 16 likes · 30 comments · Amran Gowani

Vote or Die returns

This epic collaboration with

Dennard Dayle
of Extra Evil and
Michael Estrin
of Situation Normal brought the heat, the funk, and the kitchen sink.

A blast to create and a piece of work I’m thrilled to have my name on.

Don’t miss this one.

Field Research
Vote or Die returns
Hey Friends, Last month I reached out to Dennard Dayle of Extra Evil and Michael Estrin of Situation Normal and suggested a collaboration. The idea was to bring our three distinctive styles, voices, backgrounds, and sensibilities together and co-create a piece of comedy or satire…
Read more
5 months ago · 11 likes · 4 comments · Amran Gowani, Michael Estrin, and Dennard Dayle

And if you still want more, you can peruse my entire archive of over sixty stories here.


Next up: Field Research is off next Friday, December 9.

But I’ll be back on Friday, December 16 with the launch of a new satirical fiction series called The Thirtieth.

See you then.

Amran

1

Hundred percent chance I’ll riff on Deep State Holdings LLC again.

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Field Research Year in Review

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Alex P.
Dec 2, 2022Liked by Amran Gowani

Tip of my cap to you. It's been great to wonder what madness you'll come up with each week, and then get to read it... for free! (LULZ)

Keep up the good work; you have a distinct voice and much more to share.

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1 reply by Amran Gowani
Michael Jensen
Writes Brent and Michael Are Going Pla…
Dec 2, 2022Liked by Amran Gowani

Thanks for the laughs. Wonderfully dark!

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