Amran mah man. You're staring the Elephant In The Room right in the face and not seeing it. All you need to do to become cash flow positive (yes that's a disease but what isn't) is to employ ChatGPT-7 to come up with new ideas and research them (just ignore the fact some of them will be plagiarized and/or false and/or mind-numbingly inane), and ChatGPT-11 to write and publish them (and bully unsuspecting passers-by into signing up for permanent paid subscriptions). Problem, solved. You cash in, take your wife for a romantic getaway in the Caribbean (your kids can hang with Pepe the Frog), and live happily ever after (if running from the IRS ever after but whatev. YOLO.)
Then you can report a much higher AGI (Adjusted Gross Income, not Artificial General Intelligence. Well it might be the same who knows)
Ah, it's so obvious! My time doing algebra on Wall Street obviously constricted my worldview and ability to think outside the box. I knew I should've taken that coding class...
Algebra is for kindergarteners. Try LQEs. (linear quadratic estimation aka Kálmán filters). Never too late to rule da world! Oh wait you're not a girl...
Former (albeit not so former) dancer here! I'll put in $5!
p.s. That's why Amran walks funny — brain too heavy. Now to get him to tap dance a duo with you... that's worth a gazillion dollars I just lost in the obfuscated stock market
Considering a large portion of my headspace is dedicated to fantasizing elaborately choreographed dance numbers featuring people I associate with IRL, I'm very on board with this idea. 🙂🔥💜
Thank you for your sponsorship! Now I just need 20,000 more of you and I'll literally be in business.
Jul 15, 2023·edited Jul 15, 2023Liked by Amran Gowani
Hello Meg :) Sounds like you're a long-lost soul dance sister. My past dance lives include flamenco, belly dance, salsa, swing, merengue, the waltz and my fave the hustle. What say you we put on a real show for the gentlemen??
I hereby present a new starting bid for the Meg & Birgitte Dance Duo! Dancing with the Stars better move over! $50 anyone?
(Amran you can still tap dance of course. Maybe open for us? We'll all be TikTokTwitterThreads famous!)
You've got moves, lady! I'm just a glorified dance floor junky with a bachelor's degree in musical theater. 😂 What I lack in legitimate skill, I make up for with enthusiasm, self-delusion, and a decent pair of legs.
It'll be fun when we go on our first publicity tour, and we can point to "some brainiac's newsletter" as the launchpad for our success.
I probably haven't mentioned this yet... have I? First career was in Hollywood. Lots of stories. Lots of memories. Even a red carpet walk (let's just say I don't know how the stars stomach it). But I might need to dust off that old Rolodex...
Apols for delay... been herding various cats and trying to convince my circadian clock to switch back to Pacific time. Hey, enthusiasm, a good dose of delusion, and a decent pair of legs will carry you far! Always has for me.
Can't wait to hit the road, with all our groupies in tow!
If it's any consolation, all those brains induced two unsubscribes, generated zero paid conversions, and I fucked up the original version of my DCF model (the cells were misaligned, it was an easy fix).
But, you internalized the most important lesson, so you win!
Also, what are you doing??? If I learned anything from reading you novel, it's that successful people don't admit their mistakes. They blame them on other people indefinitely as their hearts slowly blacken and they become numb to their own cockdevilry.
My god man, the amount of work you put into this ... I’m going to share it with my son, who is a director of finance with a healthcare startup. He’s either going to learn something or ask me, “Dad, why the hell are you writing a Substack when the financials are this bad?” And I’m going to respond, “Well son, you better fucking read it, because I had the willingness to pay your college tuition.” I enjoyed this Amran!
Thank you, Tom! It was fun to dust off the old models and remember how to do this stuff. I was partly inspired after revising my novel, which takes place in a hedge fund and features lots of Wall Street jargon/ideas.
I hope your son enjoys it, and learns something. Finance is a very sophisticated discipline, but also, bullshit.
That happened only after I hired you, so "my" fees remain low. Also, I get a regressive referral bonus discount (CL Steiner asked first but I pre-dated his request).
My big takeaway is that there’s money in fraud. Is there a subscriber level where you provide one-on-one coaching (for entertainment purposes only) to show me how to adjust the value of Situation Normal?
It’s great! Like going to business school without doing the work or paying the tuition. You should think about collecting this series into an ebook. For a few bucks you could save thousands of people from going to business school. Think of the lives saved! The profits! And the positive impact on society!
That's a great idea! I've done a few "How to" articles -- my knee surgery, my decaying condo -- but those we more observational humor. This was the first one that was truly educational. The next two Field Guides I have planned for this summer are: how to navigate middle age, and how to make a movie.
To see “willingness to pay” in action, take a 10-year-old to an arcade, 20-year-old to Atlantic City, or 80-year-old to a megachurch.
Yes! This is the Everything Abridged version of this post.
Might throw in 45-year-old to a Porsche dealership as well.
Are children fungible with Pepe the Frog?
What an absolutely incredible sentence, and what a time to be alive.
In theory yes, but both times my deal fell through at the last minute.
You know your kids are never gonna visit you, right?
That's my hope.
🤔🤔🤔😆😆😆
Amran mah man. You're staring the Elephant In The Room right in the face and not seeing it. All you need to do to become cash flow positive (yes that's a disease but what isn't) is to employ ChatGPT-7 to come up with new ideas and research them (just ignore the fact some of them will be plagiarized and/or false and/or mind-numbingly inane), and ChatGPT-11 to write and publish them (and bully unsuspecting passers-by into signing up for permanent paid subscriptions). Problem, solved. You cash in, take your wife for a romantic getaway in the Caribbean (your kids can hang with Pepe the Frog), and live happily ever after (if running from the IRS ever after but whatev. YOLO.)
Then you can report a much higher AGI (Adjusted Gross Income, not Artificial General Intelligence. Well it might be the same who knows)
Ah, it's so obvious! My time doing algebra on Wall Street obviously constricted my worldview and ability to think outside the box. I knew I should've taken that coding class...
Algebra is for kindergarteners. Try LQEs. (linear quadratic estimation aka Kálmán filters). Never too late to rule da world! Oh wait you're not a girl...
The fact that I can read is a miracle.
My stock line for 20 years has been: "Men are only good for lifting heavy things."
"Obviously, that word salad means fuck all to anyone not versed in the dark arts of financial obfuscation."
This pretty much sums up my experience today. 😂
Your head must be really heavy with all those brains in there. 🧠💰🧮
I can tap dance. Sort of. It's been about 20 years. Wonder if that's worth anything.
Hold up! I was listening. It's worth whatever an insane person is willing to pay for it! Let's start the bidding at $5. Do I hear $5?
Former (albeit not so former) dancer here! I'll put in $5!
p.s. That's why Amran walks funny — brain too heavy. Now to get him to tap dance a duo with you... that's worth a gazillion dollars I just lost in the obfuscated stock market
Now we're cooking!
Look for a pair of taps with a 2-inch heel.
Otherwise, you might get lost in the "shuffle". 😏
Cheers, Birgitte!
Considering a large portion of my headspace is dedicated to fantasizing elaborately choreographed dance numbers featuring people I associate with IRL, I'm very on board with this idea. 🙂🔥💜
Thank you for your sponsorship! Now I just need 20,000 more of you and I'll literally be in business.
Hello Meg :) Sounds like you're a long-lost soul dance sister. My past dance lives include flamenco, belly dance, salsa, swing, merengue, the waltz and my fave the hustle. What say you we put on a real show for the gentlemen??
I hereby present a new starting bid for the Meg & Birgitte Dance Duo! Dancing with the Stars better move over! $50 anyone?
(Amran you can still tap dance of course. Maybe open for us? We'll all be TikTokTwitterThreads famous!)
You've got moves, lady! I'm just a glorified dance floor junky with a bachelor's degree in musical theater. 😂 What I lack in legitimate skill, I make up for with enthusiasm, self-delusion, and a decent pair of legs.
It'll be fun when we go on our first publicity tour, and we can point to "some brainiac's newsletter" as the launchpad for our success.
What was that guy's name again? 🤔
Hang on ... It'll come to me ...
The sooner you two get famous, the sooner you can hook me up with key figures at Netflix to get my novel turned into a screenplay.
Yup. Mm hm. Sure thing. We just need startup money for sequin jumpsuits and background dancer salaries.
Also... have you considered turning the book into a screenplay yourself? Not being goofy RN. I'm seriously asking?
I probably haven't mentioned this yet... have I? First career was in Hollywood. Lots of stories. Lots of memories. Even a red carpet walk (let's just say I don't know how the stars stomach it). But I might need to dust off that old Rolodex...
Apols for delay... been herding various cats and trying to convince my circadian clock to switch back to Pacific time. Hey, enthusiasm, a good dose of delusion, and a decent pair of legs will carry you far! Always has for me.
Can't wait to hit the road, with all our groupies in tow!
If it's any consolation, all those brains induced two unsubscribes, generated zero paid conversions, and I fucked up the original version of my DCF model (the cells were misaligned, it was an easy fix).
But, you internalized the most important lesson, so you win!
I win!
Also, what are you doing??? If I learned anything from reading you novel, it's that successful people don't admit their mistakes. They blame them on other people indefinitely as their hearts slowly blacken and they become numb to their own cockdevilry.
Good to know the key takeaway of the novel stuck with you!
I ate that thing so fast, I'm surprised I even tasted anything. 😂
BTW. My favorite line: "I was selling a soul I never asked for."
Poetry. Or a cool song lyric. Either way. 🔥
Love that line, too. I have my moments.
I’ll go $6.
When I become famous for successfully selling millions of imaginary tap dance duets, I'll have you to thank, Tom.
My god man, the amount of work you put into this ... I’m going to share it with my son, who is a director of finance with a healthcare startup. He’s either going to learn something or ask me, “Dad, why the hell are you writing a Substack when the financials are this bad?” And I’m going to respond, “Well son, you better fucking read it, because I had the willingness to pay your college tuition.” I enjoyed this Amran!
Thank you, Tom! It was fun to dust off the old models and remember how to do this stuff. I was partly inspired after revising my novel, which takes place in a hedge fund and features lots of Wall Street jargon/ideas.
I hope your son enjoys it, and learns something. Finance is a very sophisticated discipline, but also, bullshit.
Will you please do my taxes next year?
Done! I've finally identified the side hustle that'll take this newsletter to the next level.
He’s doing mine first
High demand and low supply means my rates just went up.
That happened only after I hired you, so "my" fees remain low. Also, I get a regressive referral bonus discount (CL Steiner asked first but I pre-dated his request).
Classic rent-seeking behavior.
My big takeaway is that there’s money in fraud. Is there a subscriber level where you provide one-on-one coaching (for entertainment purposes only) to show me how to adjust the value of Situation Normal?
But seriously, this was fantastic!
Yes, it's called the non-disclosure agreement tier. I'll have my representatives contact your representatives using secure channels.
I'd say your big takeaway is correct! So the first ever Field Guide is a resounding success.
It’s great! Like going to business school without doing the work or paying the tuition. You should think about collecting this series into an ebook. For a few bucks you could save thousands of people from going to business school. Think of the lives saved! The profits! And the positive impact on society!
That's a great idea! I've done a few "How to" articles -- my knee surgery, my decaying condo -- but those we more observational humor. This was the first one that was truly educational. The next two Field Guides I have planned for this summer are: how to navigate middle age, and how to make a movie.