A literary hodgepodge

Plus, your boy got a Big Five book deal!

Hey Friends,

Welcome back to Field Research, the humor and satire publication written and produced by me, Amran Gowani.

It’s been way too long since my last post, which is why I’m thrilled to share today’s literature-themed extravaganza. We’ve got a short and bitter satire piece, a haiku which sums up my ridiculous life choices, and an official announcement confirming I sold my debut novel Leverage to Simon & Schuster!!!

Details below the jokes.

Enjoy!

Obsolete technology.

A deceptively tricky quiz

Are you a touchy-feely artist who got an MFA, or a soulless, corporate mercenary who got an MBA?

1. Your program promised access to world-class professional opportunities then buried you in crushing, insurmountable debt.

2. A legendary faculty member offered to mentor you, then sent a dick pic.

3. Recruiters said graduates of your program make a positive difference in the world. In reality, your degree exacerbates and perpetuates existing problems throughout your industry and across society.

4. You learned a bunch of esoteric and theoretical concepts which 1) have no practical application in the real world, 2) have zero impact on your earning potential, and 3) ensure you’re a miserable, know-it-all twat who can’t enjoy anything and is painful to be around.

5. Your high school friends think you’re a joke.

6. Tech bros are working tirelessly to automate your career.

7. The loudest, most obnoxious, and least talented people you graduated with are richer and more successful than you.

8. Your parents think you’re a disappointment.

9. Alumni reunions send you into a fit of nihilistic despair and homicidal rage.

10. Your children are working tirelessly to undermine your career.

11. Marrying into generational wealth would’ve been a saner, more profitable career path.

12. Your coworkers, colleagues, and contemporaries think you’re an asshole.

13. Each night, as you’re strangled by the cold, remorseless Invisible Hand, you decry the meaningless, interminable drudgery of your existence, rue your missed opportunities, lament your stalled career prospects, and — while contemplating the futility, fragility, and finitude of life — fail to convince yourself the experience was worth it.

14. Everyone thinks you’re a sellout.

Key: The answer to each question is touchy-feely artist who got an MFA and soulless, corporate mercenary who got an MBA.

Shoutout to Catherine Baab-Muguira for contributing to this piece!

A harrowing haiku

Choosing to write means

declaring despair, madness,

and grief your soulmates.

Simon & Schuster chose…wisely.

Well, I might’ve buried the lede, but I’m delighted AF to inform everyone the tastemakers at Atria Books, a classy little imprint operated by a plucky little publishing house called Simon & Schuster, scooped up my kickass debut novel Leverage in a home run of a deal.

Needless to say I’m thrilled with this outcome, and I’m eager to work with the Atria team to bring the best possible version of Leverage to a bookstore, library, tablet, and/or pair of headphones near you. Per the announcement, publication day will be in Summer 2025.

Of course, it’s not lost on me the statements above are utterly absurd.

When I launched Field Research on May 7, 2022 I was a washed up dad having a midlife crisis, and the first draft of my novel wasn’t even quarter-baked. Now I’m a washed up dad having a midlife crisis who just so happens to have a bona fide book deal with a Big Five publisher.

In America, it’s truly amazing what a deadbeat thought leader can accomplish when his dejected dutiful wife indulges his worst impulses fans his creative flames and floats his deeply unprofitable art project supports his entrepreneurial vision. #blessed

Finally, big ups to all of you for tagging along with me on this wild and wildly unpredictable journey! You invested time, attention, and real, actual money¹ in my writing endeavors, which encouraged me to stay the course and inspired me to take my game to the next level.

We all share in this incredible achievement.

1. Almost none of you cheap fucks discerning consumers did this, actually.