Thanks, Cat! I do feel a little bit on fire, but my kids keep me humble by behaving extra terrible every day, and killing my vibe.
My last beta reader gave me the download this morning and LOVED the book. I've got another in with a potential agent as well. So things are looking up!
Thanks always for the support. Stay dangerous. :-)
I second Cat's assertion that you are absolutely on a roll.
Before you book solid, I'd like to purchase (I'll be redeeming loyalty points) my ticket to ride your coat tails for as long as I can manage to hold on. I'll take economy class. Or stuff me in an overhead compartment, I don't care. 😉
I've got many quips and rejoinders on the tip of my tongue, but they will only get me in trouble, so I shall keep them unuttered.
I can confirm the U-turn, though I felt like the upturn took longer to arrive than I expected and really only happened when we exited the U.S.
Enjoy being middle-aged while you can because at some point you're going to say, "Well, as a middle-aged person, I think..." and some snot-nosed punk will say, "Um, unless you're planning on living to be 116, you ain't middle-aged. You old AF." At which point, you will fly into a blind rage and when you then find yourself in court for assault explaining why you deserve leniency, praying your judge also wants to think of themselves as middle-aged and will take mercy on your soul.
No excoriating was involved, I promise! LOL. I just tend to make inappropriate, quippy remarks, and that's what I was referring to. Now we should just all move along...
Well, this was so cool. As a Boomer, I don't know where I sit anymore. I just retired. It seemed to make sense. I just got tired of working for a living and decided it was better to write for a non-living. But I remember middle age. It really wan't that long ago. Twenty years, I guess, which leaves me about twenty years left--which makes me middle-aged again! You see? Logic works.
At 52, I can say that I think I am on an upswing. COVID helped me re-align priorities. I gave up my larger careerist ambitions and am happy where I am.
I can never shake this paraphrased quote: nobody on their deathbed says they wished they worked more. It's great COVID gave you more perspective, and shifted your priorities. I just wish more people -- especially employers -- would've learn some lessons from the pandemic years.
Lovely piece, except I am taking exception to the general lumping of baby boomers, since as someone who was born in 1950, came of age in 60s, protested, marched in streets with snipers pointed at us, let it all hang out, rejected patriarchy, became an environmentalist and life-long vegetarian fifty years ago, etc. the description didn't fit me. In my mind, your description fits the people who came of age in 50s (silent generation) and the 70s (who in my mind sold out in their preference for corporate jobs and disco over punk rock). But as for the rest of the post, yes, 40s are when I hit my stride (also weathered some of the worst things in my life), but I didn't let go of the dream (to be a writer), just happily told myself that when I retired that would be my second career, which actually happened. Living long enough to achieve a dream is really a delicious form of revenge.
Mary! If it's any consolation, I was thinking about you when I wrote that riff, and it's the only line in the piece I doubted. Ultimately I went with it for comedic -- and inflammatory -- effect. :-)
As with any generalization, it's just that: a generalization. People like you have been fighting the good fight for decades, and us middle-aged folks and Gen-Xers appreciate you, and have your back.
Congrats on your second act and it's amazing to hear about your success. I'm hoping to recreate your story arc for myself.
Also, I'm still floating from your comment on Monday's post. Thanks always for reading!
I really didn't take offense, because I recognized literary license. Having retired from teaching year after year of freshmen in college, which used to keep me young (I remember a student telling me that another student had told her to look me up as a teacher, describing me as the old hippy!), I confess the sub stacks by you youngsters, and the tiktok links my daughter(who is 40) sends me and (plus trying to have a conversation with my 13 and 12 year old grandsons) are the only way I can still feel hip at all!
I'm with you. I think I've riffed on this before in a post or comment, but "being old" and "acting old" are not the same thing. It's awesome that you're reading people like me, and Meg, and Michael E., and Dennard, and staying mentally frosty. That's my plan!
As Amran says, "being old" and "acting old" are two different things. Also, "being wise" and "acting wise" are two different things. :) I had my mid-life crisis early, in my mid-twenties, so I'm good, but I still got a kick out of this post. As to your point Mary about older folks carrying on the good fight, this morning on Democracy Now I was listening to Ariel Dorfman talk about the "other 9/11", the one in Chile, and nearly crashed my car when I realized he was 31 years old in 1973. He is now 81 and his voice and mind as clear and lucid as the driven snow. Er, the ocean at dawn. Er, a nice tall martini. You get the idea.
born in '56 i always fought being typecast as a boomer until recently a buddy read me the riot act ie timeline...blows me away to see these "kids" now in their 40's or younger avoiding the generational stereo-type and embracing out of instinct many of the core good stuff that came outta the 60's 70's music environmental "awareness" and of inequality responsibility too and able to turn to humor to keep sane.....
Yeah, as I mentioned to Mary, the "boomer" designation was an oversimplification. Generational generalities are typically not meaningful. There's plenty of young people leaning into fascism and who think Covid and Climate Change are hoaxes.
But I think on the whole there's forward momentum, and a strong desire among young people to finally tackle some of these systemic issues. They don't really have a choice. It's pay a lot now, or pay even more later.
I’m a decade further into middle age than you and I concur with your findings here (except the sex part - you might see your wife’s interest improve as the possibility of spawning more devils from the activity diminishes). Life in the middle is a crap-fest and I am regularly amazed at how happy I am anyway! Thanks for the fully relatable laughs this morning!
I don’t have children but I did notice a shift at work. I’ve always been a get-things-done person but now it’s getting to the next level. Plus I’m also more active privately with my writing. I wasn’t able to do this before. Your words make me focus even more and take advantage of this stage of my life. When I turned 40 I had an existential crisis but two years in I’m starting to enjoy my 40s. It’s something else.
I know! I do as well, out of desperate, base necessity. I guess there's an implied desire element at play. Given the option, I'd prefer 32-year-old me to current me. :-)
This reminds me of a quote attributed to Cate Blanchett not too long ago - "Never pick a fight with a woman over 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone’s shit." I didn't get it at first. Then I turned 40.
If you're two decades ahead of me, as indicated, you're surely riding that U-Bend wave to Valhalla. By the time the planet's truly in dire condition you'll be blissfully on your way out. Winning, indeed.
Haha -- thanks, Michael! I've been in the fetal position since this post went live.
And thanks for subscribing! I think you'll have fun around here.
Excellent! Well, at the risk of overselling, bookmark this one for later. It's my most popular piece ever. It's long, but it's a tour de force.
https://agowani.substack.com/p/there-goes-the-neighborhood
I keep saying it, but it's true: You're on a roll, Amran. :)
Thanks, Cat! I do feel a little bit on fire, but my kids keep me humble by behaving extra terrible every day, and killing my vibe.
My last beta reader gave me the download this morning and LOVED the book. I've got another in with a potential agent as well. So things are looking up!
Thanks always for the support. Stay dangerous. :-)
I second Cat's assertion that you are absolutely on a roll.
Before you book solid, I'd like to purchase (I'll be redeeming loyalty points) my ticket to ride your coat tails for as long as I can manage to hold on. I'll take economy class. Or stuff me in an overhead compartment, I don't care. 😉
Friday mornings are Amran mornings. I don’t eat donuts but that gif…… 😜😅 did I mention I’m still just 25
That GIF will haunt us till our deaths. It could singlehandedly curb global rates of T2D.
You'd be wrong on that first point. There are some very large donuts in the afterlife.
I'm looking forward to shuffling off this mortal coil to the great big Dunkin' Donuts in the sky.
Happy belated birthday!
I've got many quips and rejoinders on the tip of my tongue, but they will only get me in trouble, so I shall keep them unuttered.
I can confirm the U-turn, though I felt like the upturn took longer to arrive than I expected and really only happened when we exited the U.S.
Enjoy being middle-aged while you can because at some point you're going to say, "Well, as a middle-aged person, I think..." and some snot-nosed punk will say, "Um, unless you're planning on living to be 116, you ain't middle-aged. You old AF." At which point, you will fly into a blind rage and when you then find yourself in court for assault explaining why you deserve leniency, praying your judge also wants to think of themselves as middle-aged and will take mercy on your soul.
Thanks, Michael!
Escaping madness is a solid route to happiness at any age, so great to hear your U-bend finally came, if a little late.
I'm intrigued by what you think could get you in trouble. Field Research is a safe space, so excoriate away!
Also, if you're able to commit assault, I say that qualifies you as middle age still.
No excoriating was involved, I promise! LOL. I just tend to make inappropriate, quippy remarks, and that's what I was referring to. Now we should just all move along...
LOL.
I've been getting in trouble for running my mouth for 40 years. Figured I'd make a career out of it.
Now I want to see that resume
It isn't pretty. It's how you go from making six figures per year to writing a newsletter called Field Research.
Oh I got one like that too! Heh.
Well, this was so cool. As a Boomer, I don't know where I sit anymore. I just retired. It seemed to make sense. I just got tired of working for a living and decided it was better to write for a non-living. But I remember middle age. It really wan't that long ago. Twenty years, I guess, which leaves me about twenty years left--which makes me middle-aged again! You see? Logic works.
Middle age is a state of mind.
Great to hear you extricated yourself from the rat race and are enjoying writing. Also, your math is unassailable.
Happy birthday!
At 52, I can say that I think I am on an upswing. COVID helped me re-align priorities. I gave up my larger careerist ambitions and am happy where I am.
Thanks, Niranjan! And that's awesome to hear!
I can never shake this paraphrased quote: nobody on their deathbed says they wished they worked more. It's great COVID gave you more perspective, and shifted your priorities. I just wish more people -- especially employers -- would've learn some lessons from the pandemic years.
Lovely piece, except I am taking exception to the general lumping of baby boomers, since as someone who was born in 1950, came of age in 60s, protested, marched in streets with snipers pointed at us, let it all hang out, rejected patriarchy, became an environmentalist and life-long vegetarian fifty years ago, etc. the description didn't fit me. In my mind, your description fits the people who came of age in 50s (silent generation) and the 70s (who in my mind sold out in their preference for corporate jobs and disco over punk rock). But as for the rest of the post, yes, 40s are when I hit my stride (also weathered some of the worst things in my life), but I didn't let go of the dream (to be a writer), just happily told myself that when I retired that would be my second career, which actually happened. Living long enough to achieve a dream is really a delicious form of revenge.
💜💜💜
Mary's my favorite boomer.
Her comment inspired the crap out of me. That's why I couldn't come up with anything but heart emojis in response.
I have to frequently remind myself people way more successful and talented than me read this nonsense. It's shocking, humbling, and gratifying.
Yeah. Mary and I kick ass. 😉
Mary! If it's any consolation, I was thinking about you when I wrote that riff, and it's the only line in the piece I doubted. Ultimately I went with it for comedic -- and inflammatory -- effect. :-)
As with any generalization, it's just that: a generalization. People like you have been fighting the good fight for decades, and us middle-aged folks and Gen-Xers appreciate you, and have your back.
Congrats on your second act and it's amazing to hear about your success. I'm hoping to recreate your story arc for myself.
Also, I'm still floating from your comment on Monday's post. Thanks always for reading!
I really didn't take offense, because I recognized literary license. Having retired from teaching year after year of freshmen in college, which used to keep me young (I remember a student telling me that another student had told her to look me up as a teacher, describing me as the old hippy!), I confess the sub stacks by you youngsters, and the tiktok links my daughter(who is 40) sends me and (plus trying to have a conversation with my 13 and 12 year old grandsons) are the only way I can still feel hip at all!
I know! But just in case. :-)
I'm with you. I think I've riffed on this before in a post or comment, but "being old" and "acting old" are not the same thing. It's awesome that you're reading people like me, and Meg, and Michael E., and Dennard, and staying mentally frosty. That's my plan!
As Amran says, "being old" and "acting old" are two different things. Also, "being wise" and "acting wise" are two different things. :) I had my mid-life crisis early, in my mid-twenties, so I'm good, but I still got a kick out of this post. As to your point Mary about older folks carrying on the good fight, this morning on Democracy Now I was listening to Ariel Dorfman talk about the "other 9/11", the one in Chile, and nearly crashed my car when I realized he was 31 years old in 1973. He is now 81 and his voice and mind as clear and lucid as the driven snow. Er, the ocean at dawn. Er, a nice tall martini. You get the idea.
Yes! I too had a midlife meltdown around 24, as you read in my birthday poem.
Honestly, it's all felt like borrowed time since then. So I figured I'd share my secrets to not giving AF anymore.
born in '56 i always fought being typecast as a boomer until recently a buddy read me the riot act ie timeline...blows me away to see these "kids" now in their 40's or younger avoiding the generational stereo-type and embracing out of instinct many of the core good stuff that came outta the 60's 70's music environmental "awareness" and of inequality responsibility too and able to turn to humor to keep sane.....
Yeah, as I mentioned to Mary, the "boomer" designation was an oversimplification. Generational generalities are typically not meaningful. There's plenty of young people leaning into fascism and who think Covid and Climate Change are hoaxes.
But I think on the whole there's forward momentum, and a strong desire among young people to finally tackle some of these systemic issues. They don't really have a choice. It's pay a lot now, or pay even more later.
I’m a decade further into middle age than you and I concur with your findings here (except the sex part - you might see your wife’s interest improve as the possibility of spawning more devils from the activity diminishes). Life in the middle is a crap-fest and I am regularly amazed at how happy I am anyway! Thanks for the fully relatable laughs this morning!
Thanks, Robin! Thrilled this landed with you, and captured your experience.
I'm eagerly awaiting the day my wife no longer recoils in my presence.
Young kids are walking (crying, complaining, demanding, bickering) birth control.
They get older. And easier to hide from.
In case we're not on speaking terms in three to four years, enjoy your renaissance. 🥂😏
I may need multiple forms of medical and pharmaceutical intervention by then.
Thank God for U.S. healthcare. Oh, wait.
Maybe a tandem iron lung would spice things up?
😱
Never more dangerous than now, I'll remember that.
Indeed! That line struck a chord with a number of my friends.
So much of middle-age rhetoric is about how much it sucks, but these are actually our prime years. They're hard, but we're built for them.
I don’t have children but I did notice a shift at work. I’ve always been a get-things-done person but now it’s getting to the next level. Plus I’m also more active privately with my writing. I wasn’t able to do this before. Your words make me focus even more and take advantage of this stage of my life. When I turned 40 I had an existential crisis but two years in I’m starting to enjoy my 40s. It’s something else.
That's awesome! Embrace your writing and go for it. This is the time!
I'm really gratified to hear this post inspired you.
Very much, I’ll think about this for a while.
Also, aren't you currently being featured on Substack? That's awesome -- congrats! The universe is speaking to you. Ride that middle-aged wave. :-)
Thanks, I’m having my five minutes of fame at 42. 🤣 Douglas Adams was right: 42 is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.
This is hilarious, but I still don’t know what to do with this: “Ask yourself this: would you fuck you?” 😂 because I mean, obviously, I do? 😇
I know! I do as well, out of desperate, base necessity. I guess there's an implied desire element at play. Given the option, I'd prefer 32-year-old me to current me. :-)
Just do yourself a favor and write some damn sex scenes. FFS!!!!!
Riiigggghhhhht? 😂
This reminds me of a quote attributed to Cate Blanchett not too long ago - "Never pick a fight with a woman over 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone’s shit." I didn't get it at first. Then I turned 40.
Middle age isn't for the faint of heart. Or the weak-willed.
and beyond that getting OLD not for sissies
You ain't lying. I don't know if you've seen my knee surgery story, but it's Homeric:
https://agowani.substack.com/p/how-to-survive-the-us-healthcare
SOOoo, could we see those dim sum pics? For science, of course....
Haha! I considered a pic of dim sum for that section, but that donut GIF was too debauched to pass up.
She's also particularly horny for bowls of ramen with all the accoutrement.
Yeah. She's human.
As Charlie Sheen famously uttered at about that same age: “winning.” 😉
Haha -- great to hear!
If you're two decades ahead of me, as indicated, you're surely riding that U-Bend wave to Valhalla. By the time the planet's truly in dire condition you'll be blissfully on your way out. Winning, indeed.
She still wants to fuck me. Blissful indeed. 💪🏻
Rub it in why don't you!
Almost as good as rubbing it off
Happy B-day!!
Thanks, Jotham! Hope you're well!
I'm right here in the 53 trough with you. This piece was hilarious. Razor sharp. Keep going.
Thanks, Ben! With any luck, you're climbing out of the hole, slowly and surely.
Enjoy the ride!
I’m 46 so very nice to learn I’ve reached peak misery!
You've hit rock bottom. Drink it in. Things can only get better. :-)